Monday, February 27, 2006

Craziest. Girl. Ever. 1

This is the first of a 3 part series about the absolute craziest girl I have ever heard of. I have not actually ever MET this girl. This is a story a friend of mine, VJ, told me. Throughout the series the names of all involved will be false as alot of people who are involved may read my blog.

VJ was "seeing" a guy named Jon. Jon had a good friend named Brian who was dating an absolutely gorgeous girl named Tara. This girl is a Bud Girl, which may not mean so much as she lives in Regina, but it still gives you the general hottness.

Jon and Brian were planning on becoming roomates but there was one big issue: Jon couldn't stand Tara. As far as Jon was concerned, Tara could die. She was incredibly annoying and was ALWAYS hanging out with Brian. She's one of those girls who's nice to look at but you'd rather start a conversation with her Maxi-pad. Tara dating Brian was almost a deal-breaker for Jon, but he and Brian came to a mutual agreement: 1) If Brian got the biggest of the 2 rooms, that Tara would retreat to that room when Jon and her got into an argument because that would inevitably happen. If Tara would not agree to retreat to Brians room, then Jon would get the bigger room. 2) That Tara was not to stay at the apartment if neither Jon nor Brian was there as Jon did not trust Tara to refrain from stealing something/turning their apartment into a Meth Lab.

With this agreement in place, Brian continued dating Tara. It was summer, so of course there was alot of partying going on. With that said, I suppose partiers can be broken up into 2 categories:
1) Mary Kate & Ashley Olson Partiers
2) Robert Downey Jr. Partiers
Tara seemed to fit more into the latter. In fact, her partying was getting so bad and Brian got so fed up, that he eventually told her that if she didn't seek help, he was going to dump her.

Tara agreed and decided it was in her best interests to get help. She signed up for a week-long detox in which she was only allowed 1 contact outside the detox facility. She told Brian that she was not going to talk to him at all as she wasn't allowed to email, go on MSN, talk on the phone (other than her contact person who was a good friend of hers), or leave the facility for an entire week. She told Brian that if he wanted to know how she was doing, all he had to do was call her friend/contact person (F/CP) and ask her, as they would be talking at least once a day.

For a week Brian would call F/CP every day or so to get an update on how Tara was doing in detox. F/CP would report things like "Oh, she's doing very well. In group today they discussed the negative effects of alcohol abuse." or "She was feeling pretty depressed today but managed to make it through."

Finally, the long week of waiting was over. Brian and Tara were virtually inseparable the next couple of days. After Tara going through detox, they had realized what they'd loved so much in each other and couldn't get enough.

One day, as Brian was talking on the phone, his friend casually mentioned something he had seen Tara do the previous week. Brian stated that this could not be the case as Tara was sequestered in detox all week. His friend assured him that it was in fact Tara he was talking about.

Brian went home immediately to confront Tara on this inconsistency. Tara ended up confessing that she had not went to detox. Rather, she went through the pains of not talking to any of Brians friends or any mutual friends they shared. She blocked him on MSN so she could still sign in and talk, but he would think she was never online. She even avoided regular haunts of theirs in order to minimize the chance of her being seen by him or anyone they both knew. This, of course, precipitated a break-up.

This entire situation is just beyond my comprehension. And it's only the tip of the iceberg. This will be the mildest of the 3 entries.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Olympic Gold

The Olympics is the wonderous time every 2 years in which countries forget their hatred for each other; the mass murdering, the incessant bombings and the terrorist attacks, for one common goal: Beating the crap out of the communist countries. And the Asians.

Please don't misunderstand me when I talk about Canada winning a gold medal in the Olympics. I mean, if we won the medal race, that would be great. That won't happen, though. We've never won a medal race in the history of our country. There is only one medal which is hinged to the pride of our fine country. The gold medal for Ice Hockey.

I was discussing with some friends (Xris and Burnsy), the different kinds of sports that were involved in the winter Olympics; Skiing, The Luge, Bobsledding. All of these came to mind. A few sports, obviously didn't:

LBomb - Hey, is gymnastics part of the Winter or Summer Olympics?
Xris - I don't know...
Burnsy - I think it's Summer.
LBomb - Yeah, it's Summer. (Short pause) What about that sport where they ride bikes around a track? That's winter, right?
Burnsy -, that's summer too, I think.
LBomb - Yeah. Probably. Hey, what's the most obscure Winter Olympics sport you can think of?
Xris - ...
Burnsy - ...
LBomb - What about where they ski and shoot things?

Anyways, I say all of this to prove a point. WHO CARES? The only sport I want a medal in is Hockey. People in this country went ballistic when Canada won the gold in 2002. This year will be no different. In the interest of pursuing Olympic Gold in Hockey, I've compiled a list of things I wouldn't hesitate to do in order for Canada to win Gold.

- Tell the French they suck. To their face.
- Watch The Notebook or 8 Mile.
- Get a backstage pass to Pee-Wee's Playhouse.
- Buy a Pussycat Dolls CD
- Bomb Hiroshima. Again.
- Loudly state, in the middle of Regina's biggest intersection, that the Riders don't need a new Quarterback.
- Walk around Oakland wearing colors other than black and silver.
- Face Roger Federer in a tennis match. The loser has to kiss Steffi Graf.
- Eat olives.
- Voluntarily get a catheter.
- Play Dungeons & Dragons.
- Watch a Keith Urban concert.
- Contract AIDS.
- Discard my extensive collection of anime...I mean compile an extensive collection of anime.

Canada better win.

Counters Rule