Thursday, August 24, 2006

Balds should rule over the general population.

Where 'Balds' consist of the population who are balding and have either lost every hair on their head entirely or have shaved their head completely of hair.
Where 'Norms' consist of the population who still support a full head of hair.
Where 'Halfsies' consist of the population who have started balding but refuse to acknowledge their impending doom and use forms of covering up their baldness (ie. hats or comb-overs).

Now to my first submission. There is one reason that stands alone which argues irrefutibly that Balds should rule the world:

We've already gone through so much personal adversity in being bald, and through accepting our fate and celebrating our weaknesses by fortifying them via shaving our heads, we have proved to be tried and true, steadfast and responsible citizens whose unparalleled leadership qualities have only to be given a chance to be proven superior.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't hate Norms. I only hate Halfsies. Norms don't know what they could be missing so they take life for granted. It's no fault of their own, only ingnorance of circumstances.

Halfsies, however, are a different story. Balds never EVER nod towards, wave at, or in any other form express friendship towards Halfsies. Balds are an elite sub-culture representing only the smartest, finest and best-looking individuals on the planet. Halfsies are an abhorrent breed, surfacing to society mostly for the purpose of rape and, on occasion, the rape of a human.

As an afterthought, I would also like to humbly submit my application for Ruler of the Balds. This of course would mean that when the Balds are finally exalted to rulers of the world, I would be the worlds ultimate ruler. You could all call me Lord Lbomb. Actually, the Honourable Lord Lbomb sounds better. Not only would I allow my subjects to kiss my hands occasionally, I would also allow hotties to run rampant throughout the world. This is my pledge to you.

Halfsies are awful.

Counters Rule