Thursday, August 24, 2006

Balds should rule over the general population.

Where 'Balds' consist of the population who are balding and have either lost every hair on their head entirely or have shaved their head completely of hair.
Where 'Norms' consist of the population who still support a full head of hair.
Where 'Halfsies' consist of the population who have started balding but refuse to acknowledge their impending doom and use forms of covering up their baldness (ie. hats or comb-overs).

Now to my first submission. There is one reason that stands alone which argues irrefutibly that Balds should rule the world:

We've already gone through so much personal adversity in being bald, and through accepting our fate and celebrating our weaknesses by fortifying them via shaving our heads, we have proved to be tried and true, steadfast and responsible citizens whose unparalleled leadership qualities have only to be given a chance to be proven superior.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't hate Norms. I only hate Halfsies. Norms don't know what they could be missing so they take life for granted. It's no fault of their own, only ingnorance of circumstances.

Halfsies, however, are a different story. Balds never EVER nod towards, wave at, or in any other form express friendship towards Halfsies. Balds are an elite sub-culture representing only the smartest, finest and best-looking individuals on the planet. Halfsies are an abhorrent breed, surfacing to society mostly for the purpose of rape and, on occasion, the rape of a human.

As an afterthought, I would also like to humbly submit my application for Ruler of the Balds. This of course would mean that when the Balds are finally exalted to rulers of the world, I would be the worlds ultimate ruler. You could all call me Lord Lbomb. Actually, the Honourable Lord Lbomb sounds better. Not only would I allow my subjects to kiss my hands occasionally, I would also allow hotties to run rampant throughout the world. This is my pledge to you.

Halfsies are awful.

11 Comments:

At 10:35 PM, Anonymous bagodi said...

Honourable Lord Lbomb hey, that may be pushing it!! I do have to agree however, that "halfsies" are awful! No matter what anyone tells them, or what they'd like to believe, half a head of hair/a combover, does not look good on anyone, period. Good luck with your quest for world domination, see you at work!

 
At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least its not cold for us in the winter. HAHA

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger LBomb said...

Yes it is. Unless you live in Arizona. And in that case, it isn't cold for us either.

 
At 8:37 AM, Blogger Briananthony said...

lbomb,
kudos for getting a new place.

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

Thanks...I thought you were dead...

 
At 12:52 AM, Blogger Hendy said...

Hey man, do I qualify as a halfsie? Or am I still among the normies? If I am a normie, I think I'm toeing the line somewhere... being bald sucks

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger b00erns said...

Balds suck. Unless they're the front man for a band, and since they are playing guitar, they are unable to lead the audience in a clap, and are forced to slap their bald head with their free hand. That's awesome. Not even sure if that makes sense

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

Want to know what sucks? Having to make a post on my blog so that you can get the off-shoot traffic from my popularity.

 
At 5:37 PM, Anonymous just some guy said...

lbomb, i'd like to hear of some balds who would be recognized nation wide, if not world-wide, to hold true to your preposterous statement of: "Balds are an elite sub-culture representing only the smartest, finest and best-looking individuals on the planet."

 
At 9:44 PM, Blogger Jenner said...

You can't rule out all halfsies.. what about Kelsey Grammar? Remember him in the Shaq skit with Will Ferrel? Come on.. that was hilarious.

 
At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

didn't you used to be the king of the baseball hats??
pretty sure you were king of the halfsies for a long time.

 

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