Monday, January 23, 2006

Paul Martin...

...sodomizes squirrels.

Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking. "Lbomb, that's a lie". Well, you might be right. OR, you might be wrong. We all know that during Martin's Defeat Speech, he resigned as the leader of the Liberal Party. What we don't know is why.

I have a friend on the inside. This is his account of what went on during that speech.

P-Mart - (something spoken in incomprehensible 'Quebecois') Hello, fellow Canadians and believers in all that is right. I have grave news to tell you tonight. The Conservative Party has won a minority government.

(Loud boos ensue, drowning out the sound of someone killing their unborn baby)

P-Mart - With this said, I will now be taking questions from the media.

Reporter #1 - First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your loss tonight.

P-Mart - Thank you.

Reporter #1 - My question is about all the money you spent. Will I ever get that back? Or at least maybe get a receipt so I can be reimbursed for my (your) spending?

P-Mart - No.

Reporter #2 - Mr. Martin, where were you born again?

P-Mart - (more incomprehensible 'Quebecois')

Reporter #2 - ...~looking dumbfounded~...oh...that's too bad...

Reporter #3 - Paul; can I call you Paul? Paul, is it true that you sodomize squirrels?

(10 seconds of uncomfortable silence)

P-Mart - ...I would like to take this opportunity to step down as leader of the Liberal Party.

So I guess that's that. Now you're as informed as I. Please celebrate responsibly.

Friday, January 13, 2006


Lost is the most amazing television show in the entire universe. The only show that can even compare to Lost in it's greatness is Family Guy. But that's an altogether different genre.

Normally in my blog, I gripe about the unfairness of life, stupidity of others and...well...that's about it. But once in a while; just once in a while, life hands you something so phenomenal that it makes you take your hat off and have a moment of respectful silence. Like at those things where someone is dead. That's what Lost does for me.

If you've never seen the show and you had someone explain it to you, it would seem terrible. Basically, some people are on a plane and the plane crashes on some remote island. They crash way off course, so no help can come to rescue them. They need to survive on the island making do with what they have.

With that synopsis, I'm sure no one (including myself) would ever watch the show. HOWEVER, Lost is so much more than that. It keeps you guessing at every corner. Every character on Lost has this intense past that keeps coming at you in the form of flashbacks. To add to the terror of being planewrecked on an island, there's apparently some monster on the loose. And also, there are some other people -evil people- on the island that sabotage and kill the people who are planewrecked.

Here is a brief synopsis of all the character who are important:

Jack - The main character. He's a doctor and is awesome. Dude performs a blood transfusion with the needle from a sea urchin.

Locke - An old guy who is awesome at everything and used to be in a wheelchair. Somehow the crash/the island gave him the use of his legs back and he walks around killing boars and finding exciting things.

Sayid - An Iraqi who used to torture people. Awesome.

Michael - Some black guy. Builds a raft. Sucks.

Charlie - An ex-heroine addict. Also an ex-hobbit.

Hurley - Fat guy who is super rich. Comic relief. Pretty cool.

Kate - Hot girl who killed people/robbed banks. Respectable...but still a girl.

Claire - Pregnant girl whose baby is psycho.

Jin - Asian dude who beats his wife/other people.

Sun - Jin's wife who gets owned.

Sawyer - Awesome "bad guy" who hoards things until people need them then makes chicks kiss him when they want the things he's hoarded. Super cool. He should fight Jack. Or better yet, Boone...

Boone - Pussy lifeguard. Has sexual relations with his sister.

Shannon - Boone's sister. Has sexual relations with Boone. And Sayid. And everyone else.

Watch Lost. If you see 1 episode and it doesn't make you want to watch more, then I will personally eat McDonalds. That's my promise to you.

That comment earlier about someone being dead was over the line. Even I recognize that.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Bizzarro Lbomb 2

So I decided to go out and buy one of those fantastic new Smart cars (YAY!!!). Seriously, the best purchase I've ever made. Not only is the Smart beautiful on the outside, with its tastefully loud neon colors, but it's also beautiful on the inside. Nothing matters more to the Smart as keeping the environment safe. And as you all know, that's the basis behind my every philosophy.

The Smart car is designed to have no balls AND be spacious. Especially for people under 5'3. The Smart car also made me thankful that I only have one friend because the Smart car only has room for 2, LOL ;)!!!

Recently, my friend and I went on a road trip to The Keg. After filling up with gas the second time, we ran into some beautiful girls driving a Beemer. They obviously dug our ride. Who wouldn't?!?! As they rolled down their window to spit at us, we sped off down the road leaving skid our pants because we were so excited that girls almost talked to us (hee hee).

Anyways, my pretty little Smart car is safe and sound, packed up under my bed just ITCHING to save some more energy. Can't wait 'til tomorrow when I get to charge it with its own cigarette lighter!!!

P.S. If you don't like the Smart car you are entitled to you own opinion and to ravaging the environment one diesel engine at a time LOLOLOL!!!!! JUST JOKES!!!!

Counters Rule