Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Cobain is dead. GET OVER IT.

If I hear one more snivelling, long-haired hippie/angst-filled teenager/poorly rated media component talk or gripe about Kurt Cobain's meaningful life or his prophetic music, I might just kill myself. And not the way most people commit S, either. I might just go one step further, overdose on drugs, then blow my head off with a shotgun...oh wait...I think someone already did that...

"But Lbomb, he was an incredible martyr/songwriter. He hated the establishment of music and when his band got too big, he didn't want to take the pressure anymore. Not to mention, he basically invented grunge music and modern rock".

Shut up; You're stupid. First of all, I admit that Nirvana was a good band. In the "anyone with 5 fingers and an acoustic guitar" sense of the word. But do you know which band played good music AND didn't write it with a 2-year-old playing guitar? Soundgarden. That's who.

Kurt Cobain didn't kill himself because he was anti-establishment. He killed himself because he knew if he didn't, people would very soon figure out what an incredible fraud he was. If you play guitar, think of the first 10 songs you learned. If at least 3 of them weren't Nirvana, I will personally call in sick to work.

And what about his lyrics? ~What else can I say? Everybody's gay~? No, just you, Kurt. You're gay. Why else would you have spraypainted "HOMOSEX RULES" on a wall in Washington?

Seriously, if you're going to idolize a drug fiend, make it someone respectable. Like Chris Farley. He was awesome in that SNL skit with Patrick Swayze. Don't pretend you have no idea what I'm talking about, either.

Kurt isn't 40 years old. He's 12 years, 10 months and 15 days dead.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

'The Juice' is my hero.

Here is what I KNOW about O.J. Simpson:
1) He played professional football.
2) He killed Ron and Nicole (allegedly).
3) He is NOT in jail.
4) He WROTE A BOOK about NOT killing Ron and Nicole.
5) He has the greatest nickname EVER ('The Juice').
6) He has the worst REAL name ever (Orenthal).

But on a serious note, you have to respect The Juice. Dude BRUTALLY MURDERS (allegedly) his ex-wife and her 'friend' and gets away with it. He is NOT serving jail time. That, on its own, is respectable. However, there is more. After dude brutally murders (allegedly) these two people, he waits a few years then WRITES A BOOK ABOUT IT!! I mean HOLY CRAP!! The guy is a legend! I'll tell you right now; if you kill two people (allegedly), get off scott-free then stand to make MILLIONS of dollars because of it years later, you have my respect. And my third-born. If it's a girl or hermaphrodite.

Let's even pretend that The Juice DIDN'T kill Ron and Nicole. Even then, writing a book about it is gutsy. But he DID (allegedly) kill them. He DID (allegedly).

And the awesome doesn't stop there; he has the GREATEST NICKNAME OF ALL TIME. The Juice. You can't say those two words and not feel pumped. The Juice. I'm shooting Cocaine. Dude IS The Juice. I'm lifting weights/making a sandwich. I dare you to find a better nickname than The Juice. And don't say 'The Game' because 'The Game' is just a cheap knockoff of The Juice. And don't say Lbomb. Flattery will get you nowhere. This time.

The Juice. I just gave myself a charlie-horse. In the balls.

Guns don't kill people and neither does Chuck Norris. The Juice kills people (allegedly).

Counters Rule