Wednesday, February 07, 2007

'The Juice' is my hero.

Here is what I KNOW about O.J. Simpson:
1) He played professional football.
2) He killed Ron and Nicole (allegedly).
3) He is NOT in jail.
4) He WROTE A BOOK about NOT killing Ron and Nicole.
5) He has the greatest nickname EVER ('The Juice').
6) He has the worst REAL name ever (Orenthal).

But on a serious note, you have to respect The Juice. Dude BRUTALLY MURDERS (allegedly) his ex-wife and her 'friend' and gets away with it. He is NOT serving jail time. That, on its own, is respectable. However, there is more. After dude brutally murders (allegedly) these two people, he waits a few years then WRITES A BOOK ABOUT IT!! I mean HOLY CRAP!! The guy is a legend! I'll tell you right now; if you kill two people (allegedly), get off scott-free then stand to make MILLIONS of dollars because of it years later, you have my respect. And my third-born. If it's a girl or hermaphrodite.

Let's even pretend that The Juice DIDN'T kill Ron and Nicole. Even then, writing a book about it is gutsy. But he DID (allegedly) kill them. He DID (allegedly).

And the awesome doesn't stop there; he has the GREATEST NICKNAME OF ALL TIME. The Juice. You can't say those two words and not feel pumped. The Juice. I'm shooting Cocaine. Dude IS The Juice. I'm lifting weights/making a sandwich. I dare you to find a better nickname than The Juice. And don't say 'The Game' because 'The Game' is just a cheap knockoff of The Juice. And don't say Lbomb. Flattery will get you nowhere. This time.

The Juice. I just gave myself a charlie-horse. In the balls.

Guns don't kill people and neither does Chuck Norris. The Juice kills people (allegedly).


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