Thursday, June 23, 2005

Saskatchewan License Plates

O.K., alot of you might remember a few years back when SGI had a contest for what the slogan on Saskatchewan's license plate should be. AND, as most of you know, the winning slogan was "Land of the Living Skies". I am gonna go out on a limb here and say that slogan blows. I GUARANTEE that had I been the guy in charge of deciding which slogan would appear on our license plate, Saskatchewan wouldn't be the laughing stock of Canada right now. I actually submitted a few slogan ideas of my own, which, for some reason, didn't make the cut. Here they are.

"Saskatchewan - Land of the Living Old" - I don't know what the ACTUAL stats are on the population of Saskatchewan, but I would be willing to guess that for every person under the age of 30, there are 10 people over the age of 100. I mean, I think we have entire towns dedicated to super old people. In fact, I KNOW we have entire towns dedicated to old people. Just look at places like Weyburn. Weyburn is such a crap-hole and everyone from Weyburn stinks like old people or tries to steal your girlfriend. Even the 17 young people who live there stink like old people because there are so many old people, that old people smell permeates the air.

"Saskatchewan - Flatter Than Your 12-Year-Old Daughter" - Before people start cracking off retarded comments like "but lbomb u r not supozed to say stuf lik that. u sound lik mikal jaksin, LOLOL!!", I would just like to say I don't care what you think. Fact of the matter is, it's true. Your 12 year old daughter is flat...probably. Saskatchewan is flat...for sure.

"Saskatchewan - Impoverished since 1904" - This must be true. Why else do you think we pay 13% tax? Why else do you think we haven't planted trees everywhere? Why else don't we build some hills? Have you ever been to anything cool in Saskatchewan? Ever? Of course not. They don't even have Rock in the Valley anymore. They have Country Music in my throw up. What? I'm tired, be quiet.

"Saskatchewan - Home of Leslie Nielson" - Is anyone tired of hearing about this guy? Dude comes out with a couple sub-par movies and all of a sudden he's the best thing to come out of Regina. Or Carlyle. Or Tisdale. Or whatever. And it's not just Leslie, it's Theresa Sokyrka (I hope I spelled her name wrong) and The Johner Brothers and Theoren Fleury and whoever else. Lets just admit it, we're grasping at straws here. If we had Jim Carrey, Avril Lavigne, Toby MacGuire (or whoever a good country singer is), and Peter Forsberg, at least we'd have something.

"Saskatchewan - That Place Between Winnipeg and Calgary" - If you're travelling across Canada, what is the place you're most likely to pass by without stopping? If you say anything other than Saskatchewan, you are a liar. What are you going to stop and see? Taylor Field? Boundary Dam? We need something to draw tourists. Like a swimming pool or something.

Friday, June 17, 2005

I paid to see a movie. Not a Coke commercial.

First off, go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I don't care if you hate Angelina Jolie or if you love Jennifer Aniston. The fact of the matter is that, on screen, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are awesome. Also, the actual writers of this movie are brilliant. Totally original AND funny AND action packed. Now, after that shameless plug, the real reason I'm writing.

I get to the theatre and pay my months wages to see a movie that I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer. I'm not even going to mention the outlandish prices for snacks (yes, I understand that I said I wasn't going to mention it, then did. So what?). I'm gonna be honest. When I get into a theatre, I'm excited to see the previews for various other movies that I might want to watch. One of these movies, for example, is War of the Worlds. Another is The Wedding Crashers. But instead of sitting down in my seat, putting my pop in the armrest, gleeking on the nerd infront of me, and settling in for a nice night of mindless entertainment, I have to sit through 3 or four TERRIBLE COMMERCIALS. News Flash: I DIDN'T JUST GIVE YOU THE LIFE OF MY FIRSTBORN TO WATCH SOME BLONDE HOE DRINK SOME COKE AND SKATE ON ROLLERSKATES. Yes, I said rollerSKATES, not rollerBLADES (which are lame enough as it is). I especially didn't want to see the gay "husband" of those awful Canadian Tire commercials. You know, the one who brings his "friend" over to show him his "pressure washer".

All I'm asking is that the theatre leave me with some shred of dignity. You already pulled my pants down, bent me over and ravaged me with a scuba tank with the cost of admission. Please don't make me watch commercials, too. It's like curb-stomping somebody then pissing on their dead body. Overkill.

Oh yeah, and if you own a cell phone, TURN THE DAMN RINGER OFF, ASS. I hope you die.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Humanity Once Again Amazes Me.

It really blows me away to see all of the people who are below what I would have thought to be "average intelligence". I mean, you would think that if people had the brain to speak their mind, they'd have the brain to know that whatever they are saying sounds stupid.

If you look at "" at any lengths, you will find that most of the people who have blogs ACTUALLY SHARE THEIR FEELINGS. Do these people know that ANYONE can find their online diary? If I had feelings, I wouldn't want people to know about them. Also, out of this majority of people sharing their feelings on the internet, about 60% of them are sharing thoughts or feelings about the ones they love (ie. boyfriend/girlfriend/gay lover/life partner). Who cares if you miss your girlfriend? Who cares if your gay lover had sex with a horse? No one. That's who.

Take a look at reality shows for instance. The only awesome reality show is "The Contender". I don't care who you are, but people beating each other up in an uncivilized fashion will ALWAYS be cool. If you disagree with me, you are wrong. Other reality shows, on the other hand, don't quite get it. "The Real Gilligan's Island" is possibly the worst reality show I've never watched.

Oh yeah, and if you are a rapper/movie star, don't try to act/rap. You probably aren't good at one of them, let alone both of them. Eminem is the reason I never watched (and will never watch) 8 Mile. Vanessa Williams is the reason Chris Farley got fat and died. See where I'm going with this?

Anyways, I'm just mad at stupid people who think they're smart/talented, but are neither. Late.

P.S. Before some moron posts a comment about me copying Maddox with my "If you disagree with me, you are wrong" sentence, I would just like to say, I was making fun of you. You just didn't get it.

Sunday, June 05, 2005


I want hate mail. So, I have realized the best way to do this is make fun of the worst basketball player in the history of the universe. Shazzam. For those of you who STILL don't know who I'm talking about, I mean Shakeel O-Kneel. It doesn't matter if I spelled his name right because no one really cares anyways.

Shazzam can't hit free throws. He just can't. If people are getting paid millions of dollars to NOT hit free throws, what am I doing in my line of work? I can NOT hit free throws all day if I'm getting paid to NOT do it. I am also much better than Shazzam at NOT shooting 3-pointers. Oh yeah, and I can foul really well, too. The only thing I don't have is Shazzams size. Dude is big. And apparently has magical powers. Which I also don't have, but I bet I could STILL suck as much as him. Even without magical powers.

Oh yeah, and there's one more thing about Shazzam. He's a sellout. Who licenses their name to a terrible Sega game called Shaq-Fu? Wow. People who like Shazzam must be mentally retarded.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Bizzarro Lbomb

I was walking home after a long day of hugging trees when I spotted a wounded bird on the ground. Luckily, I always carry around a basket for carrying around any wounded animals (birds, gophers, rats, crickets, etc.) I might find on the road. I took some leaves from the ground (because I don't like ruining nature) and padded the basket to make a comfortable bed for the bird. Continuing on my way home, I saw a Honda Element and thought "what a nice design for a car. I should purchase one from the left over tree-planting money I saved". I got home, casted the poor birds wing and threw on an Oasis CD. I could listen to Oasis forever. They are better than the Beatles.

After this, I called my best friend and quoted Napoleon Dynamite for 6 hours. WHAT A GREAT MOVIE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS MOVIE, YOU SUCK, lol.

I was hungry so I made some grilled cheese sandwiches on whole wheat bread. I like eating healthy because it makes me feel good about myself. I also did some yoga. Yoga is almost as soothing as Oasis, except without Noel Gallgher, the greatest musician in the history of the universe.

Anyways, to make a long story short, I saved the little birdies' life and some whales all in one day! I am so excited!!! LOL!!!

P.S. I am so fortunate to have a blog to share my feelings on!!!!! Please post comments so I know you care about me!!! LOLOLOLOL!!

Thursday, June 02, 2005


For those of you who don't know who Maddox is, this post has nothing to do with you so I don't care if you read it. For those of you who DO know who he is, I have something to say.

I didn't copy Maddox.

People who think I copied Maddox need to shut up. I don't want to hear it. To be honest, it's kind of an honour, because the guy is a genius, but I didn't copy him. If you find one article of mine that he has done, post a comment about it and prove me wrong, but I GUARANTEE that you can't. I have read every Maddox post, and he has NEVER done any of the same posts as I have.


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