Friday, June 17, 2005

I paid to see a movie. Not a Coke commercial.

First off, go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I don't care if you hate Angelina Jolie or if you love Jennifer Aniston. The fact of the matter is that, on screen, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are awesome. Also, the actual writers of this movie are brilliant. Totally original AND funny AND action packed. Now, after that shameless plug, the real reason I'm writing.

I get to the theatre and pay my months wages to see a movie that I've wanted to see since I first saw the trailer. I'm not even going to mention the outlandish prices for snacks (yes, I understand that I said I wasn't going to mention it, then did. So what?). I'm gonna be honest. When I get into a theatre, I'm excited to see the previews for various other movies that I might want to watch. One of these movies, for example, is War of the Worlds. Another is The Wedding Crashers. But instead of sitting down in my seat, putting my pop in the armrest, gleeking on the nerd infront of me, and settling in for a nice night of mindless entertainment, I have to sit through 3 or four TERRIBLE COMMERCIALS. News Flash: I DIDN'T JUST GIVE YOU THE LIFE OF MY FIRSTBORN TO WATCH SOME BLONDE HOE DRINK SOME COKE AND SKATE ON ROLLERSKATES. Yes, I said rollerSKATES, not rollerBLADES (which are lame enough as it is). I especially didn't want to see the gay "husband" of those awful Canadian Tire commercials. You know, the one who brings his "friend" over to show him his "pressure washer".

All I'm asking is that the theatre leave me with some shred of dignity. You already pulled my pants down, bent me over and ravaged me with a scuba tank with the cost of admission. Please don't make me watch commercials, too. It's like curb-stomping somebody then pissing on their dead body. Overkill.

Oh yeah, and if you own a cell phone, TURN THE DAMN RINGER OFF, ASS. I hope you die.


At 12:30 AM, Blogger Brando, said...

I have as well been "ravaged" by that same "scuba tank"...I am completely sick of that feeling that you are pumped to see the movies...even maybe the movie trailer for the up and comers...but Mr. Canadian tire man and his Gay lover disguised as his neighbour can get the hell of the screen. Very good

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Ash-Am said...

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I also so Mr. and Mrs. Smith this last weekend in Swift and loved it! Now although the Swift Curent Cinema Twin did not have crappy previews (they actually had fantastic movie trailers and NONE of the crap), whenever I go to Calgary theatres it's an overload of car commercials and Army ads. One of the reasons I go to a theatre is because I love movie previews and all this advertisement crap drives me insane.


At 8:23 AM, Blogger Hendy said...

Nobody knows the pain of listening to the Canadian Tire guy unless you have worked at the store. I worked there for one painful summer, and the manager always had those commericials playing on a loop, so for 8 hours a day I could hear his gay ass voice in the background, and "it all starts with you". I used to get through the day by imaginging putting my foot through the screen of that little tv and I almost got fired because I kept unplugging it.

At 8:51 AM, Blogger 2 FN LO said...

Hendy be thankful you didn't work at Old Navy. I have been to Old Navy once. Walked in about 10 feet then slowly backed out of the store. I proceeded home and burned my cloths then showered in bleech.

At 10:32 AM, Blogger Briananthony said...

Agreed. That Candadian Tire needs to leave his wife(read sister) and just marry that dude across the street with his


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