Friday, July 21, 2006

What purpose do blacksmiths serve in modern society?

In my town, every year, we have what is called "The Cathedral Arts Festival". Normally, I wouldn't go within 12 city blocks of this abomination, but my buddy Xris just won a country music contest (another abomination) and was performing at the festival.

I went with another friend of mine, Burnsy, to watch Xris perform and when he was finished, we decided to walk around the kiosks to see if there was anything worthwhile. The festival spans around 8 city blocks, so there was quite a bit of ground to cover. As it is with most festivals, there was an array of hippies selling their wares and "cool retro" stores trying to make you buy their clothes...which I did...NOT!!!

Now let me digress from this story for a moment to paint a picture for you - A man the size of a bull, stripped to the waist hammering molten metal into what looks to be a sword. The man has sweat all over his rippling body due to the forge fires not 6 feet away. A smaller, but nonetheless physically fit, man uses what looks like a huge accordion to blow air into the forge making the room dance with heat. A stranger walks in and asks the blacksmith if he's finished the axe he paid for. The blacksmith nods towards a stand in the middle of the room with spears, swords, maces and other weapons hanging from it. The stranger spies his axe; a perfect half-moon blade with a large spike on the other end for balance. The stranger hefts the axe and smiles satisfactorily at it's perfect weight...

Now, asides from the latent (O.K., blatent) homoeroticism in this paragraph, you have to admit that blacksmiths were men. Strong men.

Now back to the festival. While walking through crowds of hippies and wannabe culturalists, while glancing at kiosks holding mindreaders, magnetized miracle bracelets and aboriginal paintings, I spot 2 men with no shirts on, pounding metal. It briefly enters my mind that it's the 21st Century and that there can't be THAT much of a demand for medieval weaponry, but that quickly exits out the other side as my eyes take in what the blacksmith is working on. A spear.

My first thought is "Awesome". The first words out of my mouth are to Xris and Burnsy "Why are they making a spear?". Burnsy looks around the kiosk for a second then points to a corner and says "It's not a spear". I look to where he's pointing and what do I see? A huge metal cattail. Many of them. Like 3 or 4. The second thought that went through me head was "Oh. My. God. That wasn't a spear. I was the birth of some art". I wrinkle my nose in disgust and spit in the smithy's face. No I don't, I spit on the ground. No I don't, I write a blog. But seriously, blacksmiths making art? That's gayer that sweating over weaponry anyday. An institution of manhood has fallen and nobody cares. What next? Women teaching our kids?

8 Comments:

At 10:42 PM, Blogger michael lewis said...

Isn't your own mother a teacher?

Secondly, what's with the homoerotiphobia? When I first met you, you were always talking about and touching your genitals in front of other guys. Now that's gay.

And you like Coldplay.

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger LBomb said...

You know how I know you're gay? You changed your own last name.

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger michael lewis said...

You could do the same!

My name change was for merely superficial aesthetic reasons.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger cmannsta said...

Yo Lbomb. I hear you had a good trip. Glad to hear it. So I liked this post, it had good flow (What i mean by this is...well I don't really know what this means.) But, (and this is a big BUT) I found myself thinking, "These blogs are very well written. What if I was to submit a few to some newspapers and you by some strange turn of events you were asked to write for their paper? Would you do it and leave your beloved career at the "RE" society?" Just a thought? Take care! Oh and btw, when are we gonna go drink some more red vino?

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

If I were to get a job via my writing prowess, I would be stoked. You should let me know what you have in mind...

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger cmannsta said...

Well i will email you my ideas as i don't think your fans need to know all the details of your career advancements/opportunities! Also I have some funny "news" for you that you may or may not already know. Ooh, and I know you Lbomb, you want to know what I got to tell you real bad. It's great stuff!!!

 
At 11:08 PM, Anonymous bagodi said...

Finally another blog but i'm still holding out for the Movado's blog!! I mean come on, the flower girl, valoo village, the iceman, nicole ritchie, the hippies, there is a veritable buffet of characters for a hilarious blog!! Hey Cmannsta, now I wanna know the funny story too, can I, can I huh?? We should all do red vino and wax reminiscient about our times together at "RE" as you put it! Keep up the good work Lbomb! One more thing, correct me if i'm wrong, but couldn't the whole "bat wing" bit between Xris and Burnsy be considered borderline homoerotica?? I was there once and they seemed pretty into it?? Whatever, who am I to judge, different strokes for different folks! Bagodi out!

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger cmannsta said...

Ooh now I'm interested about the "soon to be Mavado's blog." And yes Jodi you can know too..I was going to wait to tell you when we go out...say this Friday?? I was thinking of going to a movie then possibly a "pub." Speaking of pubs, why do we as Canadians call them pubs? Aren't they just lounges? Isn't "pubs" a European thing? Oh, now I gotta Google "pubs." Oh and Lbomb you can come on Friday too...sorry for using your comment space as a communication line with Bagodi!

 

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