Paul Martin...

...sodomizes squirrels.

Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking. "Lbomb, that's a lie". Well, you might be right. OR, you might be wrong. We all know that during Martin's Defeat Speech, he resigned as the leader of the Liberal Party. What we don't know is why.

I have a friend on the inside. This is his account of what went on during that speech.

P-Mart - (something spoken in incomprehensible 'Quebecois') Hello, fellow Canadians and believers in all that is right. I have grave news to tell you tonight. The Conservative Party has won a minority government.

(Loud boos ensue, drowning out the sound of someone killing their unborn baby)

P-Mart - With this said, I will now be taking questions from the media.

Reporter #1 - First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your loss tonight.

P-Mart - Thank you.

Reporter #1 - My question is about all the money you spent. Will I ever get that back? Or at least maybe get a receipt so I can be reimbursed for my (your) spending?

P-Mart - No.

Reporter #2 - Mr. Martin, where were you born again?

P-Mart - (more incomprehensible 'Quebecois')

Reporter #2 - ...~looking dumbfounded~...oh...that's too bad...

Reporter #3 - Paul; can I call you Paul? Paul, is it true that you sodomize squirrels?

(10 seconds of uncomfortable silence)

P-Mart - ...I would like to take this opportunity to step down as leader of the Liberal Party.

So I guess that's that. Now you're as informed as I. Please celebrate responsibly.