No, I don't want to give you a dollar.

So not too long ago, a friend of mine named Nelly and I decided we were going to rent Saw on DVD. We get into my car and drive to Blockbuster where we're welcomed by the monotonous voice of Eternal Video Store Clerk (EVSC) saying "Welcome to Blockbuster". We look around for a little bit not wanting to be the idiots that can't find Saw, but finally ask EVSC where it is. It's not in. As we pass out the door, ready to cross the street to Rogers Video, I notice something on the window. From afar, they look like soured onions. But as I get nearer, I suddenly reel back in disgust at the realization of what they are. Childrens Miracle Network balloons.

Suddenly, my mind violently flashes back to the last time I was in Blockbuster. I put the video on the counter and right as I pull a $5 bill out of my pocket, ready to pay for "So You've Contracted a VD?", EVSC drops the bomb.

EVSC - "Would you like to donate a dollar to the Miracle Childrens Network and get a balloon with your name on it up on our 'window of honour'"?

Panic strikes my heart as I file through my extensive list of excuses:
- I'm sick today
- A dog ate my homework
- I think I hear my mom calling
- Actually, I don't know how to skate
- I've just been working so much lately, I couldn't possibly...
- Sorry...I've got these sacks...
- I have genital herpes

Finally, a usable one comes to mind.

LBomb - "Sorry, I can't afford it right now".

Amazingly, EVSC is smarter than he/she looks.

EVSC - "...but sir...you're renting a movie. Don't you think maybe you should save that last $5 of yours for a loaf of bread or maybe some milk?"

...holy crap. I just got owned by EVSC. That or else he/she actually thought that I was legitimately monetarily irresponsible and that I might actually spend my last $5 on a movie rental.

No, I don't think I should save this last $5 cause guess what? I WAS LYING. I COULD afford $1 for the Childrens Miracle Network, but I just don't want to because I SIMPLY DON'T CARE.

LBomb - "Oh yeah...riiiiiiiiight. Milk. I knew I forgot something....thanks."

Stop shamelessly plugging your charity. I don't want to hear it. No, I don't want to give you $20 to run the cancer marathon. No, I don't think having a Children's Hospital in Saskatchewan is important. No, I don't want to donate blood to save my sister.

On a side note, I have 6 LIVESTRONG bracelets left. $3 each. It's for a good cause.