Monday, April 24, 2006

The night my world came crumbling down.

There are only a few things in life you can really count on. The changing of the seasons, the rising of the sun, Pamela Anderson's Hepatitis C, rape. But a week ago, one of those sure things failed me.

I was out with some work friends (Bagodi, Cmannsta, Birdhair and a few others) a week ago after work. We all met at Birdhair's house and played some poker. After the second hand (and my buying in for a second time), we really started getting into the poker game. Admittedly, I was also very involved in Sportscentre as they were showing highlights of the last Canadiens game of the regular season. This, no doubt, translated into me not winning the poker match. Rest assured, had I not been unfocused, the pot would have been mine. But that is neither here nor there.

After the game, Bagodi and I got into my car as Bagodi doesn't have her license (anymore) and I was driving her home (again). We were both hungry and I had to get up early the next day, so we opted for McDonald's. Now as we all know, McDonald's has the McDeal where every day they have one extra value meal on sale for $3.99. Some days, the McDeal is sweet (ie. Quarter-pounder w/ Cheese day and Double Cheeseburger day). Other days, the McDeal blows (ie. Filet -o-Fish day and McChicken day).

As it was early Wednesday morning, and therefore McChicken day, I opted for my beloved fallback plan: The 2 Cheeseburger Meal. All of a sudden, the goodness of the world seemed to fall from beneath me...

Burger Jockey - Welcome to McDonald's, how may I help you?

Lbomb - Yeah. I'll have the 2 Cheeseburger meal. Supersized. With extra mayo. And a Rootbeer.

BJ - Sorry sir, we no longer have the 2 Cheeseburger meal.

Lbomb - ~excruciatingly long pause~...what?...

BJ - We no longer have the 2 Cheeseburger meal.

Lbomb - ~visibly shaken~ Well...what do you have instead?

BJ - I don't know. I think we have the Jr. Chicken meal.

I sat in stunned silence for a few seconds after we ordered our meals. Then began the 5 stages of Grief.

DENIAL - No. BJ is lying. This is all a big joke they play on their customers late at night.
BARGAINING - Oh please, Lord; if you let the 2 Cheeseburger meal continue, I will stop hating Mexicans.
DEPRESSION - Oh's all over. Could life possible get any worse? Well...maybe if Kid Rock recorded a new album...
ACCEPTANCE - Well, I guess I'll just have to go with the Double Big Mac meal. It tastes pretty good if you dilute it with a litre of Cola.

I all honesty, getting rid of the 2 Cheeseburger meal had to be the stupidest move made by McDonald's since the Arch Deluxe.


At 3:38 PM, Blogger Hendy said...

Quite possibly your best post yet. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through another year without the 2 cheeseburger meal.. bastard suits..

At 9:03 PM, Anonymous bagodi said...

Priceless....truly priceless! Although, the sportscentre excuse for getting your two cheeseburger laden ass handed to you at poker is kind of lame. For all who weren't there, there were 5 big, strong men (one who was even in his army uniform)and two girls (one who is just learning)at this poker game. At the end of the poker game the two girls amicably split the pot as the big, strong men were getting whiny! Also, as for me not having my license (yet) you must admit that you have been rewarded for the times you have driven me (subway, timmy ho's, groceries, friends booby shots, etc...). Lastly, you forgot one crucial part of the story that I think really set the tone; Lbomb: What is your McDeal?
BJ: The McChicken.
Lbomb: pause and then very audible (like to the whole surronding neighbourhood heard) Oh Fuck! God, so funny and so priceless, glad I was there for it! Good times, good times!

At 1:27 PM, Blogger 2 FN LO said...

I quickly had to run to 711 and get a slurpee just to make sure those still exist.

Because if I lost the two cheeseburger meal and slurpees I would have commited S.

My life is at a volitile period where at any second, the second slurpees cease to exist, my work on this planet is done.

Once slurpees dissapear, expect the worst.

At 8:36 PM, Blogger michael lewis said...

In Toronto, the double cheeseburger is $1.39 all day every day.

It was like heaven.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger K said...

I fancy a big mac round about now

At 3:45 PM, Blogger Coral said...

soo...i didnt believe this! I went to the local Mc D's and sure enough it is off the menu; HOWEVER, (here in B.C) they say although it no longer has a home on the menu, it is 'orderable' it was such a well known favourite that they thought they'd bump it as people will still order it...blah i wonder how fat the mcdonalds really are?!


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