Friday, April 07, 2006

Craziest. Girl. Ever. 3

This post marks the final part of a trilogy that rivals the popularity (although not the embarrassment) of the Matrix Trilogy and almost equals the writing brilliance of The Sisterhood of Travelling Pants.

Brian had had enough of Tara and her insanity. They broke up and discontinued seeing each other entirely. This, however, wasn't enough for Brian. He decided to move out and keep the whereabouts of his new place a secret from Tara. He thought this would be the best way to keep her out of his life forever. Brian also changed his cell phone number in case Tara tried to give him the infamous "drunk call" one lonely night.

A couple months passed without contact between Tara and Brian. Randomly, one insignificant night, Brian woke up to the sound of his apartment buzzer. He ignored it as it was past 2am. The buzzer, however, seemed to be oblivious of the ridiculous hour and continued its noisy serenade. Brian got up and through the speaker heard a hauntingly familiar drunken voice: Tara's. Tara plead with him to let her into the apartment; claiming she was sorry for all the wrong she'd done him and that she still loved him. Brian, wanting no part in this game anymore, ignored Tara's pleas.

Incensed, Tara determinedly proceeded to buzz EVERYONE ON THE APARTMENT DIRECTORY. She finally convinced an older woman to let her in (who coincidentally lives next door to Brian), claiming that she was Brian's girlfriend and she forgot her keys to the apartment. Tara climbed the stairs to the old woman's apartment and when she opened the door for Tara, Tara roughly pushed past the old lady. She walked through the poor frightened woman's house and opened her patio doors. Once on the woman's deck, Tara thought the best idea would be to climb from the old woman's deck over to Brian's deck.

Keep in mind here that a reliable source told me that "I would never have made that climb sober. Let alone wasted. Not only are the 2 decks a significant distance from each other, but it was winter and incredibly icy.".

Tara somehow made it to Brian's deck (all the while the old woman is screaming at her to please come back) which is full of furniture that Brian hadn't had the time to move inside his house yet. Brian heard the commotion and saw Tara on his deck. The next thing Brian heard was sirens. Police sirens. Tara had made so much noise and caused such a discombobulation that several of the tennants in the apartment building had called the cops.

Brian, furious, pulled Tara out of the cold and into the house. He instructed her to strip naked and go lie in his bed to which Tara complied without comment. When the cops came knocking on Brian's door, they asked to be let in. Brian let them come in and when they go into Brian's room and see Tara lying there naked they asked him if Tara was his girlfriend. Brian says that she is, and the cops leave. Immediatly after the cops leave, Brian tells Tara to get out of his house, which she does.

Why Brian protected Tara from the cops is a mystery to me. Regardless, the outcome of these events was that Tara now has a restraining order against her. Not from Brian, but from the entire apartment building.

The actual whereabouts of Tara is unknown. However, some friends have reported seeing her around town despite her claiming she moved to California to become a nanny.

This trilogy is entirely factual except for insignificant quips added by myself to enhance the humor of the story.

5 Comments:

At 9:51 AM, Anonymous bagodi said...

Okay, so my comment is a double edged sword. That broad is one crazy beotch!!!!!!! The sword part is that now we have definitive proof that there really are some crazies that lurk among us! Talk about a woman (perhaps girl is more appropriate), that gives the rest of us a bad name...YIKES!!!

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Briananthony said...

i'm sad to see the story end it was definitely more interesting the drudgery i'm currently surrounded by.

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger michael lewis said...

I don't understand why Brian "saved" Tara from the police.

I would have let them take her away. (It was winter? Do the Regina cops do the same thing with drunks that Saskatoon cops do?)

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Hendy said...

This girl has issues, and let's hope and pray that she really is a nanny in a far, far away place. Lord knows with my luck I'd be next on her list of people to torment

 
At 9:57 PM, Blogger Jenner said...

post again

 

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