Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Craziest. Girl. Ever. 2

Brian and Tara continued seeing each other although they had broken up. This led to a quick reconciliation (as it usually does) and the couple was back together.

Things for Brian and Tara continued much in the same way as they had prior to the debacle that was Tara's detox. Eventually, Tara began spending more and more time at Brian's house. She would spend the night, get up in the morning when Brian had to go to work, sit around the house all day, and be present when Brian got back from work. She spent most of her day doing her makeup, filing her nails and douching. Quickly Brian became somewhat annoyed of her slothfulness (not to mention the used douche syringes) and told Tara that she should do something with her life and get a job.

Maybe sensing that her life was washing itself down the tubes, or more likely, because she was out of nail polish and had no money to pay for new stuff, Tara agreed.

A few days later, Tara came home and excitedly explained to Brian that she had gotten a job at Petco. Tara and Brian celebrated with what I can only assume was a mixture of slobber and dry-humping.

Almost daily Tara would come back with a new (if not interesting) story about her job. One day, they got a new puppy into the store that was just SOOO CUUUTE!!! Another day she watched a piranha eat an entire sirloin steak.

This continued for about a month and a half. Tara would wake up at the same time Brian did, then go to work. She would come back later on, talk about her day and get ready for her next day at work.

One day, Brian had urgent need to talk to Tara. He had tried calling her and texting her on her cell phone, but she wouldn't answer. He thought maybe her phone was dead and so decided to give Petco a call. When the employee at Petco answered, Brian asked if he could speak to Tara Sutherland. He was informed that there was no person by that name working at Petco; and yes, they were sure. Brian thought to himself that maybe he had just heard wrong. Maybe it was Petland she worked at. However, when he called Petland he was assured once again that Tara Sutherland did not work there. After Petland came Petcetera with the same amazing answer: That Tara did not work there. Brian proceeded to call EVERY PET STORE LISTED IN REGINA'S PHONEBOOK finally coming to the discovery that Tara didn't work at any of them.

When Tara came home from work, Brian asked her how her day was and she answered with the usual "It went fine. My herpes made me tired, but the cats were cute" story. Brian, of course, lost his mind and they got into an enormous fight.

It turned out that Tara indeed had NOT gotten a job, but would simply leave the house and return at the same time every day to maintain the pretense of going to work. Almost as strange as this, she made her "shift" an early one so she wouldn't even be able to sleep in. You'd think if you were going to make up a time to go to work, it would be a late morning or early afternoon shift. But no, she made it early morning.

This of course finished the relationship. Only this time, it was for good. However, the craziness doesn't stop here...

9 Comments:

At 7:00 PM, Blogger michael lewis said...

you're totally making this up.


who is this girl anyway?

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Hendy said...

Unfortunately he isn't making this up. I was also present for the telling of this story.. and wow, this girl is nuts.. who goes to those sort of lengths to avoid work? And how did she afford her herpe medication? or her crack?

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger Briananthony said...

....apparently dry humping doesn't come cheap....

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Jenner said...

First of all.. that's sick Brian. Second of all, I can't believe this story. This girl makes more effort pretending to do things like work and detox than it would actually take to go to real detox or get a job...I just don't understand... but I have to admit, I'm kind of intrigued as to what's in part three...

 
At 10:22 PM, Blogger LBomb said...

Jenner?? You're still alive? That actually saddens me because you were gone for so long that only 2 things could have happened:
1) You died.
2) You joined the Carnival.
Obviously, your posting on my blog would prove the latter...and that's just dissappointing.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Jenner said...

LBomb, yeah I'm alive. Unfortunately university has taken over my life... I'm going to try to post again soon too, if I can think of something to write about. And don't be dissapointed.. joining the carnival was just an experimental phase... and that's over now...

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Briananthony said...

while i conceed it referencing dry humping may have been "sick".....meh. Lbomb did i tell you i'm sticking around here for the summer??

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger Jenner said...

I made a new post!

 
At 6:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Post Part 3!!!

 

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